How can couples counseling help?

Relationships are not easy. We come to our relationships with our own history and our own unmet needs. Sometimes our baggage doesn't go well with that of our partner's. As a result, it may become hard for couples to go through everyday life without fighting, or to adjust to big life events like the birth of a child or a serious illness. In addition, there are feelings and thoughts that become difficult to talk about, probably because we don't know how to express them, we may feel guilty or ashamed, or we don't want to hurt our partner.

Something may have happened along the way and, as a result, you may feel disconnected, invisible, lonely, or misunderstood in your relationship. It is as if you are on different pages, with different needs, hopes, and dreams. Perhaps the two of you can't seem to find a way to communicate with love and respect for each other's reality. Maybe you have recently experienced the trauma of infidelity, your world is crumbling down, and you feel like there is no way out. Couples therapy creates an opportunity to reconnect with your partner, to become able to discuss things that typically lead to escalation and conflict.

Do you feel you and your partner are good friends? How much do you really know and understand about each other? Our approach is informed by multiple viewpoints, including attachment and psychodynamic perspectives, as well as aspects of elements of the Gottman Method, which highlights the importance for couples to "become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future."

We believe couples counseling is about helping you and your partner become open and curious about each other, and honest about your own thoughts and feelings. Whatever happens in a relationship, happens in the context created by both partners, so it is essential to take responsibility for our side. Our approach is not about assigning blame or perpetuating shame. It is about working together to create the space, find the language, and develop ways to communicate, repair, and grow as a partnership.

What can it help with?

Banner photo credit: Aaron Burden